19

"The nasty things people say behind your back are like poisoned arrows. But, thankfully, the words people say while hiding have no strength. So, those arrows can't pierce your heart. However, the most foolish thing you can do is pick up those arrows that have fallen to the ground and then, pierce your own heart with those arrows."           
                    
                                                                                                                  -Baek Seung Chan

Ingat sentiasa, Parihana.

18

BABY BABY jigeum cheoreomman areumdawo jullae neon

sigani jinado naega seollel su itge

BABY BABY neon sideulji ma igijeogin nal wihae

geu moseup geudaero neon geudaero yeoyaman hae~

Baby baby can you stay beautiful like you are right now?

So my heart can race even after time passes

Baby baby don’t wither, this is all for the selfish me

You have to stay just as you are right now~

 Bae Bae by BigBang on repeat~

17

"Mungkin sukar untuk difahami kerana tak tecapai dek akalmu" - Elyana

The reason why other people can never truly understand my situation and also why i can't really understand theirs'. 

16

Salam.

I never like long distance running. I used to be a sprinter. I've joined a few marathons in my secondary school because i can run that far as my stamina was tiptop at that time, never because i like it. I prefer aerobics and circuit training a hundred times more, even when i know from my experience that the fastest way to lose weight is by jogging.

Starting from end of last year, i started joining marathons as part of my effort to lose weight and reduce my bod fat percentage, also to remain fit. But now i'm not that good as i used to be. Selalu ja jalan in between sbb seriously penat nak mampuihh. Sometimes even while running i thought to myself "why did i join this??"

I almost forgot how much i love sports and regret it so much that i let 2 years passed by without any active participation in games, run or physical adventures. I regretted not joining aerobic regularly from my third year even when i know i love aerobics to the core since kms days. I've finally found something that i love doing that no matter how tired and busy i am with clinic and labworks, I will go for it anytime.

I'm hoping i can maintain this even when i'm in a long holiday after i finish school. Too bad aku tak tau any active aerobic club in Ipoh.

15

Salam.

When someone is on the wrong side and you're the one who pointed it out, that does not mean you are on the right side. Reflect yourself first. Especially when that someone is of higher status that deserves the utmost respect from you. I'm not on the right side either, but i know my limit and my place. Put aside your immaturity and temper for a while, and think properly. Because this stuff is not only about you and your dissatisfaction. It will affect everyone.

My coward opinion.

14

This post-op pain is killing me. What's worse is there's nothing that i can do about it. Painkiller didn't work. It's been 4 days already. Yesterday it's so painful to the point that i lost my sleep. Just now tears just coming out because no matter how hard i put pressure on that area, pain is still there. I don't even know what is causing me pain actually. It spreads over my right palate but there's nothing over there. No lesion, no bleeding, no ulcer, nothing. Is it dry socket? I'm so scared. I don't even know how to describe the pain to my friends so i just told them pain is still there. I'm sure they don't know how to respond because there's nothing they can do so i stopped complaining to them. I don't want to tell my mom because for sure i'll cry like crazy. Its really scary because i've never experienced this before. My previous impactions had only cause me pain for 2 days and trismus for a week. Not a continuous throbbing painful sensations like this. I'm so distracted. It's always there. The pain never leaves. Monday pls come faster..

13

Salam.

My new year was awesome except for the crappy fireworks and annoyingly loud vuvuezela. Last weekend was filled with nothing but happiness. I just love it when we're in our own little world minding our own business. You know, when the world revolves only around me and him. Away from all the work burden, ppl's judgement and my lonely room. Sitting in front of a colourful fountain for hours discussing our new year resolution; both personal and for our relationship. Planning our future life, slowly but surely. Feeling grateful that we've come this far through thick and thin. May 2015 bring more colour and happiness into our life, despite me knowing how stressful it will be. 

12

There's only one problem that comes with my k-drama obsession.

I'll fall in love with the hero. hahahaha! or most commonly the second hero *secondherosyndrome*. Usually the madness will end when the drama ends. Then i'll switch to another drama hero ;p

Anyhoo, now I've got my eyes on Ji Chang Wook. So bermulalah era *again* stalking him on any SNS, youtube tumblr, anywhere that has a bit of him. teeheeheee. Handsome oiii!! Sebab dia cool gila dlm drama Healer tu *crazyfan*

Tak senonoh punya perangai.

11

Every rose has its thorn.
Every rose has its thorn.
Every rose has its thorn.

                                                        Lee Hi, Rose #np

10

Finally, the week is over.

Feels so good to lie down on my bed after finishing my work in the lab and clinic. Just golek2 here and there for hours without having to force myself to get up for futsal or dance practice until midnight. Tapi aku sangat enjoy kedua2nya. Bila ada minat, tak rasa terbeban sgt nak datang practice tu.

So many emotional turmoils and resentments i felt in my heart these past few weeks. Of course, perasaan aku sahaja yg mungkin oversensitip padahal tak ada apa2 sangat pun. Its my own problem yang tak berapa nak reti in dealing with other ppl's attitude. Tambah bila teman bercerita tengah busy nak exam so takboleh nak kacau tiba2 buat lawatan mengejut ke Shah Alam. So for the first time, i took my car keys and went for a drive at night just because i feel so stuffy and suffocated from burying so many feelings and words inside of me. Tapi bahaya actually sebabnya aku tak fokus time drive.

I miss my family, especially mak. balik haritu tak dan sembang gossip lama2 sbb sibuk dgn wedding kawan. Now depa suma tgh syok bercuti tinggai aku sorg2. I miss my bf too. So much. Cepatlaa New Year datang. Weekend kt kolej tak best sebenarnya. Nasibla aku tgh byk kerja skrg. Buku pn dh lama tak pegang. I just need my cakes tomorrow then i think i'll be fine. :D

9

Salam.

One of my bestfriend is getting married next week.

This girl..hmm how should i describe her. Sangat clueless? She simply blurted out what she had in her mind, only to be scolded by us. Tapi itulah dia. One thing i learn from her, jangan berkira dgn kawan baik kita. She's super generous; i once told her i mengidam rambutan, the next day there's a plastic bag full of rambutan hanging on my doorknob. Sweet gila weyy. Haha. I came to appreciate her even more after that. Bila aku sakit, yg sibuk2 whatsapp tanya keadaan, belikan mknn, bwk klinik p beli ubat semua dia la jugak. Mcm boyfriend dah. ;p

I think she's the only one among us Malay girls that never fail to give everyone a birthday present, even though they didn't reciprocate back except for a few. Kalau aku dah kecik hati dah lols. Bila dia tumpang kete aku pun, dia la org first yg akan hulur duit minyak. Everytime. Tak kira la jauh or dekat destination. When i told her not to bcoz i used to ride her car so many times, she insisted on paying. Paham harga minyak naik katanya. Haha. But that just proves how generous she is. Jauh lagi hati aku ni nak jd ikhlas mcm dia.

I always tell her ''don't be so nice, ppl will pijak your kepala''. Terasa jahat pulak hasut dia cenggitu. To me, biarlah org kata aku garang, asal orang x pijak kepala aku. I really don't like it when ppl are taking advantage of me or my work. Manusia yg simply riding on my back to get through. I had enough of that from my school and college years. Anyway, she tried, but failed. Budak ni mmg lembik hati dia. Cepat kesian. Dalam kelas tu, siapa je yg tak pernah cari dia bila susah. I pitied her, sbb bila turn dia susah, not many will really offer a helping hand. Instead ppl including me, easily raise their voice at her when she's being clueless or senseless. sbb geram. I'd feel very guilty afterwards, but i know sometimes she needed that for her to realize what we meant.

I become her bestfriend a bit late. But better late than never. Wishing her all the happiness in the world and a blessed marriage because she really deserves it. 

8

Salam.

I miss cycling. I want a bicycle. Or maybe join a cycling club though i know i'm not that committed. I used to cycle 4 to 5 km everyday when i was in primary school and I've always enjoyed it with my childhood friends.

Back in Manipal, there's a period where i went to jog everyday *semangat nak kurus* and when i'm not in the mood to jog, i opted to cycle instead. i borrowed my friend's bicycle and cycle all around my campus enjoying the view and not so fresh air.

Too bad here i don't know where can i go cycling and renting a decent bike apart from Taman Botanikal Melaka. There, the route is good and challenging but the bike's condition is very bad. Not really safe for use. Thankfully, my bf once brought me to cycle at Taman Botani Shah Alam which was more satisfying and the bike's condition was actually pretty okay *if you're lucky*. So one spot in Shah Alam. Back in my home in Ipoh, even my housing area is good enough for me but my brother's bicycle rosak la pulak :( Somebody pls give me a cool bicycle!! T__T

7

Salam all.

Cuti tinggal 4 hari baki. Dah agak bosan duduk rumah, xde benda nak buat. Bukak fb pun buat merana hati sebab timeline penuh dgn gambar kawan2 pegi holiday. Aku jeles huaaaaa. Sobs.

Orang kata travel la puas2 before umur masuk 30. Memangla aku nak tapi sapa nk derma kat aku duit oii. Tapi sbnrnya kalau nk travel dlm Semenanjung mungkin boleh. Nak p oversea jangan harapla kan. Kang lebur habis tabung duit kawen aku. T_T

So i said to my bf, kalau ada nak p travel mana2 buat adventure jomla buat sementara kami dua still students. Nanti dah keja, weekends je ada and we both hate going anywhere during weekends sbb semua tempat pun crowded cam sadin. Tapi p Vendeur Festival himpit2 takpa laaa hahahaha. Skrg ni pun boleh jumpa time weekends ja, unless kalau tgh cuti panjang. Jadinya semangatla kami dua ni nk p adventure macam2 tahun ni insyaAllah :)

Masalah skrg is duit. Since dua2 pn student lagi so mmg paham2la kekangan kewangan ni bila nk p adventure merata. Jadinya mampu pegi adventure yg tahap beginner2 je. Tambah lagi aku ni kang semput kat blkg. Dahla bf gila panjat bukit gunung bagai, thrill seeker betoila. Aku ngada nak ikut tapi dia suruh aku up kan stamina dulu T_T Finelaaa.

********

Bosan2 duduk rumah ni, satu lagi masalah is banyak masa nak stalk instagram org lain. Seriously, memang rasa jeles tgk hijabster2 femes yg umur baya2 aku tapi semua dh success dgn business sendiri, semua pun lawa2, dah kahwin, p holiday sana sini..paling jeles bila depa selalu dpt barang free utk depa promote hahahaah.

Lepas tu mula la persoalkan hidup sendiri. Masalah betoi bila selalu sgt hidup sorang2 and takda kawan nak nyembang. Asyik compare hidup sendiri dgn hidup org lain. Padahal rezeki masing2 kan. Hasutan minda je semuanya.

But lucky for me, everytime i'm with my bf....nothing else matters. Tak apalah orang tu kaya awal. Tak apalah orang tu cantik jadi model sana sini. Tak apalah orang tu kawen awal. Rasa complete dh hidup when i'm with him. Gelak sama2, share advices and life tips, kutuk each other macam haram, merajuk pujuk2 tapi last2 dua-dua gelak mcm tak betoi, him lecturing me about money management, me telling him about latest makeup available in Watsons,..semua itu cukup untuk buat aku happily occupied and tak payah nak pay attention kat hidup org lain. When i think someone despises me, hates me, thinks i'm annoying or i'm the one that hate someone, bikin kepala otak aku serabut, selalunya aku akan lari p shah alam utk tenangkan hati and clear up my mind. Sembang2 luah perasaan and heart to heart talk dgn my bf helps a lot. Kalau x, boleh meletus gunung berapi given my temper and impatience.

Semoga cepat lelaki ini menjadi teman hidup aku aminnn! *tenungduittabung*

hang memang awesome. nanti aku belanja abc special satu. 

6

Salam all.

i have a new crush..ehehehe.

Hong Jong Hyun you fine man!!!! *crazyfangirlemoticon*

wailing and weeping at the fact that i can never have him. or meet him. *supercrazyobsessivefangirlemoticon*

hahahaha its been a long time since i last become fanatic for a kpop star. just excuse me for this moment ok. 

5

Salam all.

Today is Sunday and i slept for 12 hours. So happy. :D

Anyway semalam pegi Vendeur Festival all the way from Melaka sampai pakcik teksi kitorg pun tekejut bila tau kami dtg semata2 nak shopping. haha. janji pueh hati. shopping habis-habisan jenis yang tak pikir dua kali terus grab and bayor je. sebab tau nanti bila balik bilik mesti teringat2 pastu menyesai. i'm very happy with my purchases hehe cuma sedih x jumpa sequin shawl yg berkenan. nasib baik dah tempah yg custom made punya sehelai. boleh jugak buat pakai raya. Jubah2 depa juai pun mcm overpriced, padahal plain jubah je pun. hmmph. tapi xpa, boleh cari lagi. happy giler lepas kempunan nk shopping byk2 apatah lagi bila mak sponsor masukkan dlm bajet raya. mihmih.

Sessional exam last week was okaylah. ada yang boleh jawab, ada yg takboleh, ada yang aku memang hentam habis. Soalan yg keluar ada byk yg unexpected. Buat aku rasa not worth it tak tido semalaman baca nota. nampak sgt study semata2 sbb nak exam, bkn sbb nak ilmu. haha. paling takleh blah exam oral surgery kami ada silap bagi question paper atas masalah teknikal. adohai. nak marah pun xtaula nk marah sapa. nama pun mistake. terima jela kenyataan kena re-sit paper lusa ni.

final in 4 weeks time. rasa mcm lama lagi. still x insap even sessional cam kambing. haha. lagipun dh lost hope nk dpt distinction. uhuk. imagine my mum's grumbling this time when she knows no distinction for me this year. lols. buat ajelah apa2 yg terbaik utk final nanti. adioz amigoz.

4

Salam all.

Whenever i chatted with my bf about our future life, in the end we always promised each other that we'll live modestly during early years to save money so that we can go travel wherever we want to. Tak apa la kalau awal2 pun duduk apartment n pakai kereta Saga je. As long as we have more savings.

Mann, talk is cheap.

I know my bf is capable of doing so (berjimat cermat) and live humbly since he rarely spends his money to buy things. Believe me, kalau dia takdak gf skrg ni, rasanya duit dia menimbun dah drp apa yg dia ada skrg. He's so careful with his money. Thats why i trusted him with my money (apart from my mom) since i don't really know how to manage my allowance. I depend on him and always ask for his opinion bila tangan aku gatai nk klik2 online shopping.

So that's why i'm worried. Tambah bila tgk org lain hidup senang, kereta mewah, pakai beg branded or baju cantik2. As a girl i can't help but to feel jealous and secretly want to lead the same life that others do. I've been reminding myself over and over again that saving is important. Umur dah 24, tak lama lagi dh mula earn income sendiri. Masa tu lagilaa kena pandai manage duit sendiri.

Hopefully tercapai la impian kami nk travel merata dunia bersama-sama. Buat masa skrg gigit jari jela dulu sambil scroll gambar org lain pegi holiday kt Instagram.

3

Salam all.

Bulan ni bajet lari. Sebab apa? Sebab makanan.

And make-up.

Yesss. My new obsession. Skrg siap ada bajet each month for make-up. God knows how annoyed my bf was when i begged him to bring this kampung girl to Sunway Pyramid just so that i can bring my butt into Sephora. Lepas tu mcm dh taknak keluar, jakun sgt tgk brg2 mekap mahal kat sana. Some brands tu even x pernah dgr pun nama. I can only afford some NYX lip creams there which i loveeeee. :D

Tapi sebenarnya pegi kelas pakai sunblock and lipstick/lipbalm je. Takdak sapa aku nk impress kt Manipal ni hewhew. Sbb tu guna neutral colors jee.

Selalunya pakai mekap lelebih when i'm on dates. Baru berani pakai lipstick terang2, pastu keep on annoying my bf with Qs like "ok tak warna ni?" "rasa matching tak kaler ni dgn kulit syg?" "lawa tak i hari ni?'' "nampak x bulu mata syg melentik ni? penat tau nk pakai mascara dgn eyeliner!'' hahaha i'll never stop.

I only aim for drugstore make-ups --> Watson and Guardian. Tapi lagi suka Watson sbb ada VIP card hewhew. Ni je yg cek mampu. I'm quite disappointed with local drugstores bcoz their display are not really well-organized. Then byk testers dah habis/rosak tapi diorg x ganti pun. Customers are also to be blamed sbb lepas guna testers ada je manusia yg x reti nak letak kt tempat original dia balik. Habis confuse.

Now everytime i go to malls, I'll go to Watson n try many many lipstick and aim to buy them next month. Oh I wish. haha. This madness will stop after sometime, just like my previous madness with online shopping. ;p

I want to learn some make-up techniques to cover up zits or acne scars on my face. I want to try liquid foundation too since they have more coverage but i don't know which brand is good for me. Takut kalau salah pakai kang habis jadi opera cina or worse, dpt skin break out. Anyways, lots of time to learn :D

2

Salam all.

i know who my real friends are.

i know;
who's two-faced.
who's genuinely happy for me when i'm happy.
who's secretly jealous of my life and not happy when i'm happy.
who's come to me only when they need my help.
who's really care about me.
who's really understand me despite my temper and moodswing
who's a good listener.
who's only listen but not hear.
who's a good secret keeper.

i know, because i'm at least one of the above to my friends too.

i'm a superficial person. what you see on my face, that's what i'm feeling. i tried to fake it once, but my heart cannot accept it. biarlah apa org kata. bukan hati depa yg sakit.

1

Salam all.

Today MQA came to our college to evaluate us from all aspects so that we can have the accreditation we have always wanted sebab kalau tak mcmn kami nak keja kat Malaysia kan.

Anyway, salah satu soalan dia tanya masa closed session dgn students tadi:

''Did your college award you if you get good results like straight A's or something?''

We all answered YESSSSS. ''Gold medalist", they said. Then came the question that i always hate:

"Angkat tangan sapa yg pernah dapat?"

Mannnn. I really don't like this. First, i always feel that i didn't deserved it (there's this one girl in my class who is really smart, she deserves it more). Second, ppl will expect more from me padahal aku ini hanyalah insan biasa. If u see me in my class, u will think i'm a dumb or something. I get very nervous when my lecturers directly throws some questions to me that i become blank. Third, when ppl keep on pointing my name when this matter is brought up.

Bukan tak bersyukur, in fact, i'm happy sebab my parents were over the moon because of this. It's just that the title came with a responsibility for you to maintain your performance. Well, that's the purpose but it has become a burden to me T__T. Adoilaaa. Trying to motivate myself right now. I can do it!

Anyway, i think i'll start to write again. Let's see how long this will last. hehe.

Byebye.

respond

Salam all.

A : I lost something.. (very sad)
B : oh yeah? i lost something too! bla bla blaaaaa..

how do you expect A to react eagerly to B's story when B don't even bother to respond to A's sadness first, what more to offer some comforting words.

nevermind if you can't help to solve the problem, just know that comforting words have powerful value too.