7

Salam all.

Cuti tinggal 4 hari baki. Dah agak bosan duduk rumah, xde benda nak buat. Bukak fb pun buat merana hati sebab timeline penuh dgn gambar kawan2 pegi holiday. Aku jeles huaaaaa. Sobs.

Orang kata travel la puas2 before umur masuk 30. Memangla aku nak tapi sapa nk derma kat aku duit oii. Tapi sbnrnya kalau nk travel dlm Semenanjung mungkin boleh. Nak p oversea jangan harapla kan. Kang lebur habis tabung duit kawen aku. T_T

So i said to my bf, kalau ada nak p travel mana2 buat adventure jomla buat sementara kami dua still students. Nanti dah keja, weekends je ada and we both hate going anywhere during weekends sbb semua tempat pun crowded cam sadin. Tapi p Vendeur Festival himpit2 takpa laaa hahahaha. Skrg ni pun boleh jumpa time weekends ja, unless kalau tgh cuti panjang. Jadinya semangatla kami dua ni nk p adventure macam2 tahun ni insyaAllah :)

Masalah skrg is duit. Since dua2 pn student lagi so mmg paham2la kekangan kewangan ni bila nk p adventure merata. Jadinya mampu pegi adventure yg tahap beginner2 je. Tambah lagi aku ni kang semput kat blkg. Dahla bf gila panjat bukit gunung bagai, thrill seeker betoila. Aku ngada nak ikut tapi dia suruh aku up kan stamina dulu T_T Finelaaa.

********

Bosan2 duduk rumah ni, satu lagi masalah is banyak masa nak stalk instagram org lain. Seriously, memang rasa jeles tgk hijabster2 femes yg umur baya2 aku tapi semua dh success dgn business sendiri, semua pun lawa2, dah kahwin, p holiday sana sini..paling jeles bila depa selalu dpt barang free utk depa promote hahahaah.

Lepas tu mula la persoalkan hidup sendiri. Masalah betoi bila selalu sgt hidup sorang2 and takda kawan nak nyembang. Asyik compare hidup sendiri dgn hidup org lain. Padahal rezeki masing2 kan. Hasutan minda je semuanya.

But lucky for me, everytime i'm with my bf....nothing else matters. Tak apalah orang tu kaya awal. Tak apalah orang tu cantik jadi model sana sini. Tak apalah orang tu kawen awal. Rasa complete dh hidup when i'm with him. Gelak sama2, share advices and life tips, kutuk each other macam haram, merajuk pujuk2 tapi last2 dua-dua gelak mcm tak betoi, him lecturing me about money management, me telling him about latest makeup available in Watsons,..semua itu cukup untuk buat aku happily occupied and tak payah nak pay attention kat hidup org lain. When i think someone despises me, hates me, thinks i'm annoying or i'm the one that hate someone, bikin kepala otak aku serabut, selalunya aku akan lari p shah alam utk tenangkan hati and clear up my mind. Sembang2 luah perasaan and heart to heart talk dgn my bf helps a lot. Kalau x, boleh meletus gunung berapi given my temper and impatience.

Semoga cepat lelaki ini menjadi teman hidup aku aminnn! *tenungduittabung*

hang memang awesome. nanti aku belanja abc special satu. 

6

Salam all.

i have a new crush..ehehehe.

Hong Jong Hyun you fine man!!!! *crazyfangirlemoticon*

wailing and weeping at the fact that i can never have him. or meet him. *supercrazyobsessivefangirlemoticon*

hahahaha its been a long time since i last become fanatic for a kpop star. just excuse me for this moment ok. 

5

Salam all.

Today is Sunday and i slept for 12 hours. So happy. :D

Anyway semalam pegi Vendeur Festival all the way from Melaka sampai pakcik teksi kitorg pun tekejut bila tau kami dtg semata2 nak shopping. haha. janji pueh hati. shopping habis-habisan jenis yang tak pikir dua kali terus grab and bayor je. sebab tau nanti bila balik bilik mesti teringat2 pastu menyesai. i'm very happy with my purchases hehe cuma sedih x jumpa sequin shawl yg berkenan. nasib baik dah tempah yg custom made punya sehelai. boleh jugak buat pakai raya. Jubah2 depa juai pun mcm overpriced, padahal plain jubah je pun. hmmph. tapi xpa, boleh cari lagi. happy giler lepas kempunan nk shopping byk2 apatah lagi bila mak sponsor masukkan dlm bajet raya. mihmih.

Sessional exam last week was okaylah. ada yang boleh jawab, ada yg takboleh, ada yang aku memang hentam habis. Soalan yg keluar ada byk yg unexpected. Buat aku rasa not worth it tak tido semalaman baca nota. nampak sgt study semata2 sbb nak exam, bkn sbb nak ilmu. haha. paling takleh blah exam oral surgery kami ada silap bagi question paper atas masalah teknikal. adohai. nak marah pun xtaula nk marah sapa. nama pun mistake. terima jela kenyataan kena re-sit paper lusa ni.

final in 4 weeks time. rasa mcm lama lagi. still x insap even sessional cam kambing. haha. lagipun dh lost hope nk dpt distinction. uhuk. imagine my mum's grumbling this time when she knows no distinction for me this year. lols. buat ajelah apa2 yg terbaik utk final nanti. adioz amigoz.

4

Salam all.

Whenever i chatted with my bf about our future life, in the end we always promised each other that we'll live modestly during early years to save money so that we can go travel wherever we want to. Tak apa la kalau awal2 pun duduk apartment n pakai kereta Saga je. As long as we have more savings.

Mann, talk is cheap.

I know my bf is capable of doing so (berjimat cermat) and live humbly since he rarely spends his money to buy things. Believe me, kalau dia takdak gf skrg ni, rasanya duit dia menimbun dah drp apa yg dia ada skrg. He's so careful with his money. Thats why i trusted him with my money (apart from my mom) since i don't really know how to manage my allowance. I depend on him and always ask for his opinion bila tangan aku gatai nk klik2 online shopping.

So that's why i'm worried. Tambah bila tgk org lain hidup senang, kereta mewah, pakai beg branded or baju cantik2. As a girl i can't help but to feel jealous and secretly want to lead the same life that others do. I've been reminding myself over and over again that saving is important. Umur dah 24, tak lama lagi dh mula earn income sendiri. Masa tu lagilaa kena pandai manage duit sendiri.

Hopefully tercapai la impian kami nk travel merata dunia bersama-sama. Buat masa skrg gigit jari jela dulu sambil scroll gambar org lain pegi holiday kt Instagram.

3

Salam all.

Bulan ni bajet lari. Sebab apa? Sebab makanan.

And make-up.

Yesss. My new obsession. Skrg siap ada bajet each month for make-up. God knows how annoyed my bf was when i begged him to bring this kampung girl to Sunway Pyramid just so that i can bring my butt into Sephora. Lepas tu mcm dh taknak keluar, jakun sgt tgk brg2 mekap mahal kat sana. Some brands tu even x pernah dgr pun nama. I can only afford some NYX lip creams there which i loveeeee. :D

Tapi sebenarnya pegi kelas pakai sunblock and lipstick/lipbalm je. Takdak sapa aku nk impress kt Manipal ni hewhew. Sbb tu guna neutral colors jee.

Selalunya pakai mekap lelebih when i'm on dates. Baru berani pakai lipstick terang2, pastu keep on annoying my bf with Qs like "ok tak warna ni?" "rasa matching tak kaler ni dgn kulit syg?" "lawa tak i hari ni?'' "nampak x bulu mata syg melentik ni? penat tau nk pakai mascara dgn eyeliner!'' hahaha i'll never stop.

I only aim for drugstore make-ups --> Watson and Guardian. Tapi lagi suka Watson sbb ada VIP card hewhew. Ni je yg cek mampu. I'm quite disappointed with local drugstores bcoz their display are not really well-organized. Then byk testers dah habis/rosak tapi diorg x ganti pun. Customers are also to be blamed sbb lepas guna testers ada je manusia yg x reti nak letak kt tempat original dia balik. Habis confuse.

Now everytime i go to malls, I'll go to Watson n try many many lipstick and aim to buy them next month. Oh I wish. haha. This madness will stop after sometime, just like my previous madness with online shopping. ;p

I want to learn some make-up techniques to cover up zits or acne scars on my face. I want to try liquid foundation too since they have more coverage but i don't know which brand is good for me. Takut kalau salah pakai kang habis jadi opera cina or worse, dpt skin break out. Anyways, lots of time to learn :D

2

Salam all.

i know who my real friends are.

i know;
who's two-faced.
who's genuinely happy for me when i'm happy.
who's secretly jealous of my life and not happy when i'm happy.
who's come to me only when they need my help.
who's really care about me.
who's really understand me despite my temper and moodswing
who's a good listener.
who's only listen but not hear.
who's a good secret keeper.

i know, because i'm at least one of the above to my friends too.

i'm a superficial person. what you see on my face, that's what i'm feeling. i tried to fake it once, but my heart cannot accept it. biarlah apa org kata. bukan hati depa yg sakit.

1

Salam all.

Today MQA came to our college to evaluate us from all aspects so that we can have the accreditation we have always wanted sebab kalau tak mcmn kami nak keja kat Malaysia kan.

Anyway, salah satu soalan dia tanya masa closed session dgn students tadi:

''Did your college award you if you get good results like straight A's or something?''

We all answered YESSSSS. ''Gold medalist", they said. Then came the question that i always hate:

"Angkat tangan sapa yg pernah dapat?"

Mannnn. I really don't like this. First, i always feel that i didn't deserved it (there's this one girl in my class who is really smart, she deserves it more). Second, ppl will expect more from me padahal aku ini hanyalah insan biasa. If u see me in my class, u will think i'm a dumb or something. I get very nervous when my lecturers directly throws some questions to me that i become blank. Third, when ppl keep on pointing my name when this matter is brought up.

Bukan tak bersyukur, in fact, i'm happy sebab my parents were over the moon because of this. It's just that the title came with a responsibility for you to maintain your performance. Well, that's the purpose but it has become a burden to me T__T. Adoilaaa. Trying to motivate myself right now. I can do it!

Anyway, i think i'll start to write again. Let's see how long this will last. hehe.

Byebye.

respond

Salam all.

A : I lost something.. (very sad)
B : oh yeah? i lost something too! bla bla blaaaaa..

how do you expect A to react eagerly to B's story when B don't even bother to respond to A's sadness first, what more to offer some comforting words.

nevermind if you can't help to solve the problem, just know that comforting words have powerful value too.

throwback

Salam.

lately kat Instagram ramai yg upload gambar few years back pastu boh hashtag #throwback. saye sesugguhnye agak lembap bab ingat-mengingat kembali ape yg sy dh buat few years back, even last year punya events. just a few of really significant events je yg i truly remember.

so let me try to refresh some memories here.

my biggest regrets of 2012:

- early 2012, i caused my relationship with le bf dilanda ombak badai ranjau onak duri bagai because my heart wavered. it was 100% my fault, but le bf being so kind and forgiving, he forgave me without any condition and told me to learn from my mistakes and forget everything that had happened because he wants to erase that painful phase from his memories. :( this fella loves me so much laaa hihihi i'm truly grateful for that and i swore in front of him that i'll be a good girl and only look at him except those handsome korean guys that i'll never get. he was okay with that bcoz he too was obsessing over SNSD. ;p

- i left Manipal for good around August, and this was when i made a very stupid decision to throw away all my precious hand-written notes for all 4 subjects of second year. T___T i love my notes so much i don't have any idea why i threw them away in the first place sobsssss. i even left my first year's textbooks there. now everytime my lecturers ask us Qs about subjects that we've learnt during pre-clinical years i feel like slapping myself for committing this grave mistake.

sweet moments of 2012 (that i remember):

- i went for a Singapore trip in February with my friends!! seriously, USS was awesome! i want to got there again, but maybe after few years with family or husband. :p harharhar.

- back in Malaysia for good!! :D mak cakap she was really happy, now she can sleep peacefully. poor mak, dahla anak dy ni suka bawak skuter laju2 kat Manipal hehe kalau dy nampak mau gugur jantung.

-getting distinction in all 4 subjects i'm taking. this meant a lot to me, after the disappointment of not getting it during my first year. i thought i wouldn't make it through bcoz my Pharmacology distinction viva sucked big time that i already lose hope but Alhamdullilah, ada lagi rezeki.



hmm..thats all yg mampu ingat for now. the 2 regrets that i mentioned above, i'm still regretting it to this very moment. well, at least i've learn my lesson.

2013 ni dh dispoilkan dgn kemalasan tahap dewa nak study for block 2 exam. tsk tsk.

our past

Salam Hai. 

dah 2013, maksudnya umur bakal jd 23, hidup bakal lagi complicated dgn pelbagai isu. i just read Maria Elena's latest post. it seems she's pouring her heart out in a positive way. all because what ppl hav said to her just bcoz of her past.

everyone has their past. my past is even hmmm taktaulah nk describe mcmn. but it's my life. i feel ashamed about it what more when my family n friends knew about what i've done. i dont know what they've said behind my back. what i did was awful, i was immature at that time. skrg pn still immature but now dah boleh nampak kebodohan zaman lalu. 

everything i did, i feel like ppl are judging me. i know bcoz i judge ppl too. at first i think i must control myself, kalau tak nanti apa org cakap. but then i think it's my life why shud i care what ppl think of me? like they care what i think about them. i want to be myself but i dont even know what is my true self bcoz i live like this long enough since i enter boarding school. i dont really hav a real identity. I myself change with ppl surrounding me.

sometimes when i want to do something, i stopped myself just because of the pain that i hav to go thru while explaining to other ppl later. need to remove all these negativities. i just want a sincere life where i dont have to pretend anymore. i hope this year will be a brighter year to me,and everyone else. i really hope i can be a better person. to be a good daughter, friend and companion. i wish.