Sunday, January 27, 2013



lately kat Instagram ramai yg upload gambar few years back pastu boh hashtag #throwback. saye sesugguhnye agak lembap bab ingat-mengingat kembali ape yg sy dh buat few years back, even last year punya events. just a few of really significant events je yg i truly remember.

so let me try to refresh some memories here.

my biggest regrets of 2012:

- early 2012, i caused my relationship with le bf dilanda ombak badai ranjau onak duri bagai because my heart wavered. it was 100% my fault, but le bf being so kind and forgiving, he forgave me without any condition and told me to learn from my mistakes and forget everything that had happened because he wants to erase that painful phase from his memories. :( this fella loves me so much laaa hihihi i'm truly grateful for that and i swore in front of him that i'll be a good girl and only look at him except those handsome korean guys that i'll never get. he was okay with that bcoz he too was obsessing over SNSD. ;p

- i left Manipal for good around August, and this was when i made a very stupid decision to throw away all my precious hand-written notes for all 4 subjects of second year. T___T i love my notes so much i don't have any idea why i threw them away in the first place sobsssss. i even left my first year's textbooks there. now everytime my lecturers ask us Qs about subjects that we've learnt during pre-clinical years i feel like slapping myself for committing this grave mistake.

sweet moments of 2012 (that i remember):

- i went for a Singapore trip in February with my friends!! seriously, USS was awesome! i want to got there again, but maybe after few years with family or husband. :p harharhar.

- back in Malaysia for good!! :D mak cakap she was really happy, now she can sleep peacefully. poor mak, dahla anak dy ni suka bawak skuter laju2 kat Manipal hehe kalau dy nampak mau gugur jantung.

-getting distinction in all 4 subjects i'm taking. this meant a lot to me, after the disappointment of not getting it during my first year. i thought i wouldn't make it through bcoz my Pharmacology distinction viva sucked big time that i already lose hope but Alhamdullilah, ada lagi rezeki.

hmm..thats all yg mampu ingat for now. the 2 regrets that i mentioned above, i'm still regretting it to this very moment. well, at least i've learn my lesson.

2013 ni dh dispoilkan dgn kemalasan tahap dewa nak study for block 2 exam. tsk tsk.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

our past

Salam Hai. 

dah 2013, maksudnya umur bakal jd 23, hidup bakal lagi complicated dgn pelbagai isu. i just read Maria Elena's latest post. it seems she's pouring her heart out in a positive way. all because what ppl hav said to her just bcoz of her past.

everyone has their past. my past is even hmmm taktaulah nk describe mcmn. but it's my life. i feel ashamed about it what more when my family n friends knew about what i've done. i dont know what they've said behind my back. what i did was awful, i was immature at that time. skrg pn still immature but now dah boleh nampak kebodohan zaman lalu. 

everything i did, i feel like ppl are judging me. i know bcoz i judge ppl too. at first i think i must control myself, kalau tak nanti apa org cakap. but then i think it's my life why shud i care what ppl think of me? like they care what i think about them. i want to be myself but i dont even know what is my true self bcoz i live like this long enough since i enter boarding school. i dont really hav a real identity. I myself change with ppl surrounding me.

sometimes when i want to do something, i stopped myself just because of the pain that i hav to go thru while explaining to other ppl later. need to remove all these negativities. i just want a sincere life where i dont have to pretend anymore. i hope this year will be a brighter year to me,and everyone else. i really hope i can be a better person. to be a good daughter, friend and companion. i wish.