our past

Salam Hai. 

dah 2013, maksudnya umur bakal jd 23, hidup bakal lagi complicated dgn pelbagai isu. i just read Maria Elena's latest post. it seems she's pouring her heart out in a positive way. all because what ppl hav said to her just bcoz of her past.

everyone has their past. my past is even hmmm taktaulah nk describe mcmn. but it's my life. i feel ashamed about it what more when my family n friends knew about what i've done. i dont know what they've said behind my back. what i did was awful, i was immature at that time. skrg pn still immature but now dah boleh nampak kebodohan zaman lalu. 

everything i did, i feel like ppl are judging me. i know bcoz i judge ppl too. at first i think i must control myself, kalau tak nanti apa org cakap. but then i think it's my life why shud i care what ppl think of me? like they care what i think about them. i want to be myself but i dont even know what is my true self bcoz i live like this long enough since i enter boarding school. i dont really hav a real identity. I myself change with ppl surrounding me.

sometimes when i want to do something, i stopped myself just because of the pain that i hav to go thru while explaining to other ppl later. need to remove all these negativities. i just want a sincere life where i dont have to pretend anymore. i hope this year will be a brighter year to me,and everyone else. i really hope i can be a better person. to be a good daughter, friend and companion. i wish.